Saturday, March 15th, 2008
where has chivalry gone?
inspired by manful victro.
disclaimer: generalizations have been made in order to make this post more fun! (fun for who? myself of course)
I’ve come to the conclusion that guys shld not be given the full blame for the dying code of chivalry. Although, we are to take part of the fault – girls also stick their fingers in this neat little mess.
I’ve been told that we stink at the whole chivalry thing, but really we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. we try and we try, but to no avail. You girls no longer make yourselves out to be the damsels in distress anymore, and it’s real hard to play the role of a knight when there’s no saving to be done.
If we play sports, we get a mouthful if we don’t invite you girls to play; but when you gals get hurt – we get the short-end of the stick for not protecting you gals. If we dont take the initiative to ask girls out on the first date, we’re automatically afraid and don’t have enough courage – but when we do and we’re not mr. prince charming, girls just insist that they’re not looking for anyone and that they’re perfectly fine on their own. If we dont offer to pay for dinner, we’re not honoring the ‘code’ or we’re frugal – but when we do offer to pay some of you girls erupt louder than chinese parents before leaving a restaurant, insisting that you don’t need our charity.
So what is it?
Perhaps you can blame it on society and it’s ever growing view on equality, or those outspoken feminists for killing the tradition. But it’s unfair that you girls can just ‘turn’ the the ‘damsel in distress’ status on and off at will. Should we treat you like equals, or someone that needs us? (stop confusing us!)
Because the very act of being chivalrous completely destroys any concept of equality between genders.
Chivalry is a two-way street! So if you want to to keep it alive, you better stop rejecting everything we try to do. and just allow us to sweep you off your feet once in a while. ‘Cause if there is no ivory tower to break you guys out of, then you’re out of luck.
It’s more like where have the damsel’s gone? There’s no need for a knight when there’s noone to save…
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on Sunday, March 16th, 2008 at 8:29 am:
You use some ‘dangerous’ generalizations my friend. Not every girl appreciates a guy who chooses to practice chivalry. It really depends on how ‘traditional’ that girl is. It is for the most part, play by ear. If the girl seems traditional, than some chivalry will help … if she’s not, you can still be chivalrous, but don’t over do it. And it also depends on who you are acting chivalrous to. Because chivalry is dying, it’s a bit dangerous to act this way to all the girls you know unless you have other intentions of course (or they’re really good friends). Since chivalry is dying, it can easily be interpreted for ‘interest/attraction’ because to be honest, most guys don’t treat girls so well unless they have an ulterior motive. Wow, run-on sentence. Anyway, I can’t really say much. I of course appreciate it when a guy is chivalrous, but I’m a bit old-fashioned. I think it’s sweet when a guy opens a door, offers to pay, and takes care of the girl. I think all guys should be like that, but lots of other girls don’t think so. They like taking care of themselves and being independent. Then again, they also may have never been exposed to this ‘other world’ and it’s your job as guys to bring it back! =) It’ll be nice if chivalry came back. It’d be awfully sweet. LOL. Okay, I think I rambled too long and I have no idea what I’m saying! I just felt like bothering you because you thought it would bother me! Haha! =)
on Sunday, March 16th, 2008 at 9:31 am:
I think you bring up some valid points. I think many guys need to look in the mirror and start taking responsibility for their actions. I think if girls are honest they need to become more realistic and accommodating. But what is chivalry anyways? Is is some romantic like fantasy that you see in every Hugh Grant film? Or is it rather an reaction to the feminist movement and the subtle acknowledgment that it isn’t everything its cracked out to be? In my opinion chivalry is an honest expression of ones love for another. Anything but and one creates false hopes and unrealistic expectations. I guess what I am saying is be reasonable women and stand up gentlemen. One question I would consider in the larger discussion…
How does the media and culture view men and women?
Anyways, I hope this response is acceptable. Peace
on Sunday, March 16th, 2008 at 9:09 pm:
Women… can’t live with them, can’t kill them.
on Sunday, March 16th, 2008 at 11:17 pm:
I think it might be helpful if ‘chivalry’ was defined somewhere, cuz I think the concept is universally appreciated just the way it’s expressed is different. Besides that, I think chivalry is far more than the deeds or actions a guy does, but more in his character and – as cheesy as it sounds… – his heart. Doesn’t every girl want a guy who stands up for his beliefs (and if its being appreciated, they probably share the same beliefs) with backbone and courage? Winning battles is part of whats seen as chivalry, but the battleground really isn’t the same in this age, or per person. But for what’s being discussed here, it’s still about winning her heart.
At any rate, for the good Christian man, I think chivalry just goes as far as being that right man of God. If this is the battle that I see everyone losing around me, I want to see him win. If some next girl thinks all the guys are playing sports and not inviting girls and that’s what she wants to see, then theres the losing battle he can win. If theres a girl who thinks not asking on the first date is cowardice, well… you know what you gotta do to win that one. But since girls are all so different with different opinions and hopes they’re actually allowed to express these days, good luck with that =p. Ok, I’m sure you’re all complaining about it too, but I know that guys like to fight battles (battles that say you’re the best… uh huh pride) and win. Isn’t that a part of why you all like playing sports? Or video games? Or whatever you know you’re good at or want to be good at?
And well.., it’s best to know the rules before trying to play the game. Like, get to know the girl you’re after before trying to sweep her off her feet and you’ll probably be less likely to just trip up and realize thats not where you wanted to be anyway – your fault or hers. And if you’re so discomforted by the idea that she really wants you to have to pay for her… then maybe both your ideas of an ideal courtship aren’t going in the same direction anyway. Not necessarily true… but I’m just sayin.
And even if you lose, life is more than just tasks of completion.
And no! I don’t think chivalry destroys equality. A functional married couple will serve each other in equally vital, but different ways. I don’t think chivalry lives only in the dating period.. I’m sorry, but also saying that we have to appreciate everything you do is kinda off-handed too… sure, we can appreciate the good intents, but you’re like, asking us to be happy with whatever you choose to give us. Even if it rubs us the wrong way. I wouldn’t really like it if a guy opened a door out of spite either.. I’d rather him do whatever he does because he cares about me. I mean, if we all have these different ways we wnat to be loved, maybe we’re all just looking for a guy who can love us the right way. Comes right back to where’s his heart at
P.S> isn’t ‘being reasonable’ just an opinion?
on Monday, March 17th, 2008 at 4:31 am:
Of course, each case is different. I’m not attacking girls individually, but it seems this is the trend in “general.” Not many girls need a guy to help them ‘win’ stuff anymore. They’ve got more than half their own battles won already, it’s just hard to win something that has been won. And if you have to find out what needs to be ‘won’ and then go do it, it’s considerably harder and a lot less romantic from the girls point of view. (thats what I’m assuming) Cause from how the media has been portraying guys, we shld be able to instintively tell from seeing a girl.
Also, the definition of chivalry wasn’t explicitly stated in the post. I guess it was actions towards girls, like a ‘knights code.’ (A code doesn’t define character) But to be clear – I’m not pointing the finger at anyone. There’s never really a right answer to these types of questions. Just trying to state it’s a two-way thing, and it’s really hard to understand what girls want. Especially when it’s a unique case each time, and they’re less inclined to tell you what they want.
on Monday, March 17th, 2008 at 10:23 pm:
well worded kevin
on Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 at 12:18 am:
your post reminds me of a highly controversial book written by a christian author. perhaps you have heard of it? “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge
on Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 at 12:25 am:
I have read it, but I was not aware it was controversial, nor did this post arise from it. But maybe it’s time to revisit the book.
on Tuesday, March 18th, 2008 at 2:24 am:
I think I agree with you! Sometimes if both parties are “to blame”, though, then I think one side needs to take the initiative to do what’s right, good, and needed.
And I think the honor/burden is on our side
on Friday, June 13th, 2008 at 5:23 am:
I like this!
Sadly, it’s true. But sometimes women tend to do that without even realizing it. I’ll admit–we’re the fussier of the sexes. But take heart, there are still ladies out there who won’t rain on your party when you try to do nice, chivalrous deeds. Some of us actually recognize them and appreciate the simple fact that you’ve been thoughtful enough to do so.